Oct 12
This is the hardest episode I’ve had to record to date. In truth, I’ve been avoiding it like the plague, which means procrastinating everything so I don’t have to go there, but I knew I had to do it for my beautiful mother.
Since starting this podcast back in 2019, many of you have asked for an episode on grief. Just like my episodes on trauma that took years, I dug my heels in because the words I was telling myself sounded like, “how can you talk about grief when you haven’t experienced it?” Unfortunately, I am now part of this illustrious club that no one wants to be part of.
In this episode I talk about grief and how those of us with ADHD may handle it differently, from time perception challenges to social challenges to how we react in a crisis. But first, I hope it’s okay that I share the story of my incredible mother because hers is a story that I need to tell.
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"If this podcast if our Facebook group, if any of my free trainings or my your ADHD brain is a okay program has made a difference in your life, it would mean everything to me."
- Tracy Otsuka
"My goal now is to make sure that these huge sacrifices that I made and now frankly regret, well, that something good will come from all of this."
- Tracy Otsuka
"Birds, but not the drab brown kind. They need to be brightly colored and exquisitely formed with porcelain like beaks and perfect round little bodies. Hummingbirds, butterflies, frogs, and the color yellow are beautiful mama. I see you here. There and Everywhere."
- Tracy Otsuka
- Tracy's mother was in a coma due to COVID-19 and had a 25% chance of a stroke, despite having high blood pressure and taking medication.
- Tracy's mother's stubbornness, coupled with her daughter's emotional support, buoys her through a near-death experience.
- Tracy's mother passed away on Saturday at 5:17 pm after a 10-day hospital stay, and the speaker felt guilty for not being by her side when she took her last breath.
[14:34 - 35:10] Grief and ADHD perception of time
- Tracy notes that others who have lost a loved one have also expressed similar feelings regarding the perception of time during grief.
- Tracy finds comfort in a handmade doll that resembles their mother, and they have purchased multiple ones to donate to others in need.
- Tracy, who has ADHD, entered a state of 'extreme ADHD hyperfocus' during their mother's funeral planning, taking on multiple tasks and controlling every detail to ensure everything was perfect.
- Tracy struggles with processing their mother's death through procrastination and avoidance, making it difficult to listen to voicemails and respond to messages from friends and family.
- Tracy realizes that they are similar to their mother in many ways, including emotional dysregulation and a love for trying new things.
- Tracy's mother had a stroke shortly after the speaker finished writing the book, and the speaker is no longer able to help her.
