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March 24
For many ADHD women, relationships can be complicated—especially when navigating emotional intensity, executive dysfunction, and the feeling that something just isn’t right. Kate Anthony, host of the Divorce Survival Guide Podcast and author of The D Word, joins Tracy to talk about what it means to reclaim your agency, especially when you’ve spent years feeling like you’re the problem.
Kate shares her story of growing up undiagnosed, struggling in traditional learning environments, and always feeling like she was “bad at school”—until her son’s diagnosis helped her connect the dots in her own life. The discovery gave her a new lens of self-compassion and helped her understand why experiential learning worked when academic structures didn’t. Now, as a divorce coach and certified domestic violence advocate, Kate helps women—especially mothers—do the deep personal work of deciding whether to stay in or leave their marriages, with an approach grounded in self-knowledge, clarity, and safety.
Kate and Tracy also explore how ADHD shows up in relationships: the dopamine-seeking behavior, the impulse to over-function, and the toll of living beneath your potential. They talk about how abuse can be subtle and confusing—especially for ADHD women who are naturally empathetic, people-pleasing, or used to masking—and why working on yourself is essential before making big relationship decisions.
This episode is a powerful listen for anyone stuck in the question: Should I stay or should I go?
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"I used to think I wasn’t driven because I didn’t go the traditional route. But now I know—that was never true. I just had to forge a path that worked for my brain."
- Kate Anthony
"I realized I wasn't bad at learning—I just learn differently."
- Kate Anthony
"I forgave myself for all the things I thought made me a failure. They weren’t flaws. They were just signs that my brain works differently."
- Kate Anthony
"I didn’t leave my marriage in spite of my ADHD—I left because of the clarity it gave me. I could see that this wasn’t working. And I wasn’t going to pass that down to my son."
- Kate Anthony
"Abuse doesn’t always look like someone yelling in your face. The covert stuff—the subtle control, the gaslighting—is often more confusing and just as damaging."
- Kate Anthony
"We ADHD women—there’s a pattern to us. We’re intuitive. We question the rules. And when something doesn’t sit right, we don’t just sit with it. We change it."
- Kate Anthony
- Kate Anthony shares her ADHD experience, discussing how she was never officially diagnosed but recognized her symptoms after her son's diagnosis, which made her entire life and educational challenges finally make sense.
- She recounts her childhood struggles in school, feeling "completely lost and confused," unable to follow through with reading assignments, and experiencing academic difficulties despite knowing she was intelligent.
- Kate describes how discovering her ADHD brought her self-compassion, allowing her to forgive herself for past struggles and set a clearer path forward that works with her brain's natural functioning.Kate Anthony shares her ADHD experience, discussing how she was never officially diagnosed but recognized her symptoms after her son's diagnosis, which made her entire life and educational challenges finally make sense.
- She recounts her childhood struggles in school, feeling "completely lost and confused," unable to follow through with reading assignments, and experiencing academic difficulties despite knowing she was intelligent.
- Kate describes how discovering her ADHD brought her self-compassion, allowing her to forgive herself for past struggles and set a clearer path forward that works with her brain's natural functioning.
[11:00 - 27:00] Career Evolution and Personal Growth Through Divorce
- Kate Anthony explains how her personal divorce experience led her to become a divorce coach, initially helping others achieve amicable separations before recognizing the prevalence of emotional abuse in many relationships.
- She discusses her journey of furthering her education, becoming certified as a domestic violence victim's advocate to better serve clients dealing with abusive situations, and developing expertise in helping women make difficult decisions about their marriages.
- Kate reflects on how her experience with her ex-husband taught her about relationship dynamics and abuse patterns, which she now uses to guide other women through similar situations while maintaining a co-parenting relationship despite ongoing challenges.
[27:00 - 50:00] ADHD, Relationships, and Navigating Divorce
- Kate Anthony explores how ADHD affects relationships, explaining how her ex-husband's ADHD manifested differently than hers, and discusses how ADHD women can distinguish between being unhappy in marriage versus simply being bored.
- She emphasizes the importance of self-work and understanding personal values before making decisions about relationships, noting that once ADHD women better understand themselves, they can more clearly see if a relationship truly serves them.
- Kate provides practical advice for ADHD women navigating divorce, recommending hiring a coach to help with the "executive function nightmare" of divorce proceedings, creating systems that work with their unique brain wiring, and implementing strategies to manage documentation and protect emotional wellbeing.
- Website: kateanthony.com
- Instagram: thedivorcesurvivalguide
- Facebook: YourDivorceSurvivalGuide
